I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
