I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
