dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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