I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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