so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
