I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
