How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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