Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
