i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
