this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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