My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
