she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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