we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
