Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
