He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
