Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
