He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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