yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
