All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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