so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
