Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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