i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
