I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
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They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.