yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live