the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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