I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.