Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...