EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours