I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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