Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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