it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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