if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
