tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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