Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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