I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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