We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
