I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
