Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And then my night got REAL pukey
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
