Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
