I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
