How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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