Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
