Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
