awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
