So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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