I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
