i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
