so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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