apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
