No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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