Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
