There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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