Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
how drunk are you?
Several
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
