Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
