My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
