I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
