I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
