i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
