he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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