just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
