i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
