Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
