I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
