omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
