I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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