my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
