Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
