I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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