My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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