$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
