Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
