I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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