you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
