Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
