I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
