JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
