I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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