I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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