my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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