Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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