filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
