I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
