Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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