We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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