I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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