i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
