I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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