My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
someone owes me an orgasm
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
me + whiskey = a bad person
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
