she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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