I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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