OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
