I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
