Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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