Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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