Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
